This is how she feels when she wont be let alone!

This is a small part of a change seeking yet institution bound, not so different person’s story. And this is how she feels when she won’t be let alone.

She was the sweetest southern girl turned tight-hearted young woman. Her days were not lonely but full of God’s love. Her interests have changed over the years and she no more finds a meaning in ritualistic existence. Her beliefs have rebelled over her knowledge, and her meaning of life has taken new forms. She believed everyday that it’s God’s grace that lead her ways.

She knows its in her hands to make good or bad, to do right or wrong, to trust or distrust, to hurt or love, to keep or let go, to seek or hide, but all this muddled when she reached the point where right and wrong kiss good bye, trust or distrust leads to failure, to keep or let go all is vain.

She thinks she only has responsibilities to keep those few around her happy but wonder how sometimes this chore may throw on her the ashes of scariest moments to make her feel dense like she has to run the whole world. That suffocating moment she feels life can only give either of these, a stone that stumbles you down or a mountain that stops you from moving forward ever. This is the fight not between herself and others but between purpose and vanity. And it takes the hardest ways to learn breaking the stone into pieces if only she could turn harder than the stone, or climb over the mountain to cross the situation if only she could decide that she’ll never get a chance to come back.

‘Amen’ she said as she closed the bible, stood up from her knees, turned the lights down and slide down on her bed. But, the prayer continued. Sleep was a gift and she had always enjoyed it like now. Relishing all the goodies in life, she feels she is lucky enough to close her eyelids in peace for a journey into oneself, to check on all the unsaid feelings within. Like being in deep of something where you know its only you and in meditation you unite with the soul of the world. And that solo connection with the soul of the origin of all beings can be a moment of Life.

The sun dawned and at those first balmy rays hitting at her face, she opened her eyes and see a new morning that always brings with it the power for every girl to stand as tall as her looming difficulties and say, ‘I’ll make it’, for the struggle started since she was a sperm finding an egg to become whole and she knew life wouldn’t be any tougher.

- Sudha Mary Devaraj

  14 April 2013